He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
