in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
