we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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