I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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