i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
