just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
