Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
