I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
