Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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