My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
