I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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