What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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