Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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