dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
