my mouth tastes like poor choices
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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