never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
