I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
