Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
