party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
