Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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