Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
