Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
