She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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