No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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