I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
