Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
