I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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