she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
