i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
