Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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