i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
worst night to have a conscience
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
