i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
