I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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