I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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