i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
