it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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