We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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