I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
