I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
