I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
