you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
