You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
