Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
