I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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