I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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