so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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