News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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