just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
