Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
