Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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