he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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