my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
