your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
