ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
