oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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